Unafraid

In my last blog I mentioned that I want to live unafraid.  I think I might finally have the words to explain what this phrase means to me. I feel like that is a bit of explaining I need to do so  please bear with me as I start from the beginning.  

A lot has changed in the past year and a half. The catalyst for this changed happed in Vietnam when my passion for video faded away. That month was hard.  I’ll be honest with you I flipped out. My mind would race with unanswerable questions. How I will make a living? How will I support, myself if I don’t go back to freelancing? What am I supposed to do with my life?  I became so afraid of everything. My future, my life, my purpose – all of it seemed so undefined and scary.

Fear paralyzed me and I felt so helpless. I got so angry at God for ‘messing up’ my life. I fought, questioned, and screamed at God that whole month that by the end I was completely exhausted. In the silence of pure exhaustion God started revealing that fear actually had dictated most of my life – I just had always made excuses for it. I couldn’t believe it, but as I looked back I could see the roots of fear in a lot of my choices.

Fear of failure – Never really trying to excel at anything so that I wouldn’t fail, working a second job instead of fully committing to freelance etc.

Fear of rejection – Didn’t speak up when I should have, super depended on my friends options etc.

The list goes on….

I had never realized so many of my choices in my life have been made by fear.  It shocked me that I had allowed fear to have such a grip on my life.  I didn’t want to live life that way.  I don’t want to live that way.

I WANT TO LIVE UNAFRIAD

To run after everything God has for me. 

To commit to Gods plan for my life and let go of my own.

To chase my dreams and the passions God has given me.  

That’s why I’m at Adventures in Missions. He has called me here and I’m ready for whatever is in store. I’ll admit it does scare me. I never thought I would work in an office again. Never did I think I would work in admissions. But I’m not afraid. I know God has me here for a reason and He is guiding me.  I love my co-workers and the community I live in. I get to talk with people every day about missions and how God is moving in their life. It is amazing to hear their stories!

I know that working at Adventures in Missions isn’t the end goal. It’s just a resting place for now, a means to an end. My end goal is something much bigger. I’m not 100% sure what it is yet. But I’m excited for what is to come.

 

To sum it all up…..